Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
