I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize