I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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