Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
