i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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