some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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