i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
even my farts smell like vagina
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
