Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
