It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
