You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If that was your dad, he is hot
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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