just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
