He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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