I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
