I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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