can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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