is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
