she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
