what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
