i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
