i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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