I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pants are for mortals
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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