I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
