Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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