New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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