Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
