I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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