is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
