i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
