you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize