hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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