I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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