I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
