so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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