That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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