RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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