I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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