Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
