Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize