end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize