so explain again why im purple
no
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
