what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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