Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
