Banned from zoo.
Again?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
