my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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