I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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