That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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