I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
