I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
