just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
