I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
