My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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