there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
