I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
