i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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