remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize