So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
