yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
