i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
