you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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