My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
