i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
