Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
