So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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