Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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