I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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