Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
