I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
