I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
