her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
