Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
